ct is trying to kill me…

I know this is supposed to be a bright and shiny new bloggity version of my developing Professorial awesomeness but can I just say… I think my state is trying to kill me.

My wonderful (no sarcasm​ at all here…) bitty Little house in the Big Wood is currently growing an interesting type of mildew in certain corners, damp is creeping in around the door, and the windows are sweating profusely. It may be having a heart attack, and trying to take me with it. Looking at it that way kind makes me feel all special and shit, but seriously, I have been sick since November and am officially done. Game over, I am debating quitting school and escaping to The Keys for some SUN dammit, but seeing as I just did my taxes and owe close to $1K, I think I have to wait a bit to flee the scene.

So today I have nothing of import to share, but wanted to make an appearance in honor of February, the shortest and sweetest month EVER! No, I am absolutely NOT trying to butter good old February up in order to avoid a blizzard when I least expect it… =) In all actuality, my dark secret is that I despise February, but totally​ LOVE it too. The cold and damp and snow and 17 minutes a day of sunlight just make me weep, but then you have those days of brilliant blue, no wind, snows all melted and you look up and are all like “Damn, what a pretty day!” And don’t let’s forget about St. Valentine’s Day!

Speaking of, Paul and I are creeping up steadily on 2 years, having just past 21 months. Did you hear that… 21 months… IN A ROW! =) =) The funny thing is that while this is our second go around for Feb 14, it is our first official Valentine’s Day! =) Let me explain…

Last year, we were knee deep in snow, bills, and sick. Seeing as we were not even together that day, we just decided to call bullshit on the whole day and if memory serves, I spent the evening with take-away and Grey’s Anatomy. It was perfect, considering. Bt this year, he will be here after work, YAY! Since we both get home late, no fancy dinner plans for us, but I was thinking if I manage to sneak in before he gets home, I will light candles all over the bedroom, brew a pot of coffee, and try to cram the girls into that little camisole top that makes me look like a pornstar. Ooh, I just remembered, I have some glitter-blush stuff that will match the blue silk perfectly!!!

In short, we are doing nothing special, just spending some much-needed time together. I am serious when I tell you all that I am a girl who appreciates the little things… don’t like grand gestures, am more appreciative of stuff like him taking out the recycling. I know it sounds silly, but after so many years feeling alone next to an uninterested man, it is wonderful to be with someone who is PRESENT. =)

I actually have nothing further to report, but just had to check in with my peeps. Have a wonderful week, I will try to post again in a few days, hopefully with something more substantial to say. =) Talk soon, lovies!


I am sitting here in at the dining room table, amused by the sight before me. Scattered over the deep red tablecloth are many colored envelopes, containing cards for loved ones. A stray crayon, an address book and pen are the bits left behind by my foxling last night. We had such fun yesterday, and The Professor dropped in unexpectedly for a short visit, which simply put icing on the cake of the day for us.

Smiling, I am thinking about love. How I am happiest when I feel enveloped in that elusive miasma of joy, respect, support and happiness… be it the loose-limbed hugs from him while he rubs my hair, or her puppy-like climbing on me when she says goodnight with an embrace that touches me to the core. Or the swell of love when mom and I are on the phone, and really connecting, and she laughs at just the right time, and supports me every step of the conversation. Ooh, cannot forget the love that creeps up me like a blush when I tell a good friend my insane college plans, and she replies “of course you will do it, you are so f-ing smart and I wish I was there with you, I would watch the foxling so you can start tomorrow”…

I am a big believer in love, all kinds of love. Love is like ice cream to me, how can you ever have enough flavors ?! I also love chickadees, teaching my daughter, the sound of the waves crashing against the shore, good chinese food, folding towels, all kinds of music, kittens, the color blue, meditating, drinking coffee, rubbing his feet, taking long walks in fluffy snow, reading, bubble baths, great hair conditioner… I could go on all day. =) I do not love all these things with the same intensity, frequency or desire, but they all play a part in my daily happiness, and self satisfaction, which leads to deep contentment on my part, which is nothing but a good thing.

Henry Thoreau’s writing speaks to me as if he knew me every step of my life, every moment and breath. I adore him, his wisdom, short temper, ability to stand up for what he believed in with no though to how it would effect his future. He was brave, brilliant, strong, kind… the kind of man if you brought home to mother, she would want to marry him herself. I love, simply love reading his words, chapters and books cover to cover, then picking pages at random, to ponder thru the day. I cannot say enough about him, and his incredible talent, so I will stop here. =)

Last night I was browsing thru his eloquent words, too drowsy to commit to real reading. I came upon a page in “Walden” describing the wood cutting he loved so much. I, too, am drawn to the earthy pleasure of chopping and stacking wood. “A few pieces of fat pine were a great treasure. It is interesting to remember how much of this food for fires still concealed in the bowels of the earth.” He then describes how he went “prospecting” thru bare hillside, stopping where pine woods had once been, and how he would dig out pine stumps 30-40 years old, a gold mine of thick pine roots.

That got my attention, I love the underlying connectedness of everything under the sun. I picture him in my mind’s eye, digging for the treasure that has lain there for a hundred years, dragging it in pieces to the wood pile. Storing up this “food for fires” as he stored up everything he would need for the long winter ahead. This time of year, I often go to sleep thinking of his experiment in living plainly, happily alone in the wood. The snow and wind howling remind me that he heard that same wind, so many years ago, stroke the tops of trees like the ones outside my own window.

He was excavating his bounty of roots; on the flip side, I am laying my own down, and hope they get me thru the darkness of winter to the beautiful sunny days and warmth ahead. I have no fireplace to fill, no wood to chop with a sturdy axe, creating piles of sweet chips around my feet. I have no berries to pick, no vegetables to cook and lay up in neat jars across shelving like soldiers at attention. I feel disconnected from his world, then remember it was his for but a short time, and even he chose to resume life among the bustle and insanity of towns. I fell asleep dreaming of cooking jam with my foxling, and washing all the winter sheets and heavy coverlets. Of walking on snowy evenings, making nourishing soups with which to keep her healthy. Of my small, but significant role of mother, provider. And when I awoke in the dark this morning, I could smell the faint scent of our holiday tree in the chilly, morning air. Brisk, pungent, earthy. I inhaled deeply with a smile, and loved waking up, loved the tree that put the smile on my face, and loved being able to share all of this with you. =)

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