proof…

I am in an absolutely sweet mood today, sunshine and kittens tumbling in my mind, hips swaying to the soft tones of “I Only Have Eyes For You” and “Chances Are”, lips bruised from this morning, and last night, and the night before…

Morning sunlight and breezes spill into my windows, bathing the whole house in a warm glow. My neighbor downstairs is cooking her daily mystery dish, smelling faintly of cinnamon and vinegar, comforting in a weirdly pleasant way.

Usually at this time of day on a Friday morning, I am still in bed, and not alone. A second shift lineman, he works 10am-7pm, and does not have to leave until 0900. Our routine consists of getting up at 0700, having coffee and a chat on the back patio. Yogurt and berries slake our hunger, and he gets out the vitamins while I fill the water bottles. The best of intentions are ours, and one if not both of us are usually dressed by this time. Our collective undoing is always a kiss… just one kiss.

One of us leans in, smiling, and for some reason, that particular kiss makes all reason fall away, makes us unable to care about the minutes melting away, makes our clothes fall off… then at 0855, the alarm always set drags us away from one another amidst laughter and sweaty hugs. Hastily grabbed work jeans and reflective shirt are pulled on as he trips around the bedroom, looking for the always missing sock, and I race into the kitchen, filling his to go mug with French Press coffee, our only luxury to date.

I follow him out the door, traipsing down the steps on tippy toes behind him like a small puppy. His truck is so tall, an industrial Ford F-450, that I cannot reach up for a kiss even when he leans out the window for me… laughing, he opens the door and I hop up for a last kiss and hug, then scramble down as he zips away for another day.

Today he had errands at the dmv, registering the car he got for his son, and paying taxes as well. So we were good, responsible, and managed to get him out the door in one piece at 0700. =)

Showered and warm, I opened my closet to grab a favorite Cowboys t-shirt (what else?) and my hand brushed his work clothes hanging there. His jeans, fraying at the pockets from all the sockets he carries, and his reflective shirt, silky-scritchy bands of grey over impossibly neon green. To their right are my dressy summer shirts, satin and lace, soft colors in a modest rainbow. The sight of all that femininity next to his manly things brought a smile as big as the sun to my still sleepy face. Heading to my dresser for underthings, I open the top drawer and there on the right is a small pile of his briefs and work socks, stained with grease. How does a man who wears tall work boots manage to get grease on his socks ?! One of life’s great mysteries…

I could not resist snapping a few photos… and now I have proof. Proof of the solidity, the realness and weight of what we are making. Proof that he is here half the week, enough nights to necessitate having clothing here. Proof that there is a man in my den, a fact that still amazes me with the happiness it brings to the very depths of the center of me.

He rinses out his dishes without ever having been asked, takes out the trash when it is full. He brushes my bangs from my brow to find a spot to kiss, and then looks down at me smiling that soft, just for me smile of his, with dimples flashing and promises shining behind his bright eyes.

We have 3 nights a week together, and every other Monday morning until summer break. Almost half the week, and yet it already feels like not enough. There are small reminders of him all over the house, from the toothbrush in the bathroom to the monogrammed coffee mug in the cabinet. The sweet tea in the fridge, razor in the shower, and now, clothing. This is no small thing for me, and it does not escape me that while I wanted my freedom so desperately, I now can see time to come with someone in my home.

Proof… that my desires are evolving. I have lived here almost a year now, and as I look around my pretty little home in The Bog Woods, I see so much change, so much possibility, so much new and undiscovered. I had happiness when I first came here, yes. But nervousness as well, trepidation, and no small amount of uncertainty. Now as I gaze at this home of my own creating, this place that soothes me, comforts me, I see so much more that the sum of it’s parts. I see a future; holidays and winter nights, springs to come, gatherings and quiet nights with those I love. Home…

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PS – yes, that is a small cat figurine on my spotted sox. Foxling dubbed it my “multipurpose cat accessory”, or MCA. It can be found in any manner of places, but it never strays far…

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ah…mine ancient enemy…

I feel like Burton’s Jabberwock, facing the Vorpal blade… meaning school is back in session. It is already a cluster of crashed Blackboard, incorrectly formatted powerpoint by instructors, and a professor who will be in Brussels and Amsterdam for the next 2 months, virtually to of touch. Sigh… we all know how it ended for the poor jabber-baby-wocky…

Remind me again why I am spending my daylight hours studying rather than finding a lovely, rich man to keep me in the manner I would be happy to become accustomed to ?! Oh yeah… personal freedom… sounded like SUCH a good idea at the time…

Doctor, doctor, guidance counselor, dentist, orthodontist, shrink… those are just my foxling’s appointments for the rest of the month, not to mention my own. SURE, I have LOADS of free time in which to cram all this in, maintain a 4.0, file new insurance paperwork, apply for programs in a few other states, submit financial aid packages, cook, clean, workout, fix the budget, do laundry and squeeze in a haircut. I miss the idyllic insanity of summer, running around all tan and buzzy from beer and margaritas, days on the lakes and in the boats of sexy boys. I know we just got off break, but is it too early to ask for a personal day ? =)

I am actually happy, although it is not coming across in this post. Happy, but missing My Bear, The Soldier and my sanity. I leave you with this thought for today… give me a “hell’s yeah” if you are feeling it…

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I know, I am recycling… but it is good for the environment; do cut me slack today, please. And here, for putting up with me…

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Because really, what is cuter than fat, baby groundhogs ? Have a lovely, peeps… see you soon !

speaking of foxes…

Look at what the fox fairy dragged in… ! We have seen these darling foxes for weeks now, and I feel like I am in the midst of a magical animal parade.

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Even though the first shot is blurry, it is my favorite. This happy young animal was eating what appeared to be small insects or worms, as well as the organic popcorn I threw out for the squirrels. Every time the shutter clicked, it looked up at me; staring me down for mesmerizing seconds before turning back to the task at hand. The digital shutter is quick, but I managed to JUST miss capturing his inquisitive gaze for you. Trust me, it was spellbinding. =)

call me crazy…

SERIES POST #5

Another weekend gone, April half over, happy Monday. =) I had a headache last night and got to sleep late, so decided to stay in bed a bit later than my norm. At 7am, I got up and opened the window; it was so pretty, with all the birds tweeting, and the wind rustling the undergrowth, and the loud beeping of the recycling truck… DAMN ! Raced to throw on an appropriate shirt and pajama pants, almost fell down the stairs, and managed to lug the bin outside. The guy says to me “I know you always have your bin out, so I was gonna wait a minute on you”… =) He may look like someone who you do not want to meet in a dark alley, but he is a decent guy.

Completely awake at this point, I made some delicious coffee and went out to enjoy the blazing morning sun on my clean and pretty patio. When it is good here, it is near perfect. =) So I was thinking, and my next step is to BE AWARE OF MY BREATH. Without it, we cannot survive, it literally moves life energy thru our bodies. I sit and focus, check in with the movement and patterns, and then slow… it… down. Deepening your breathing WILL calm you down, and allow you to focus on the task ahead. Some tasks are fast-coming, and will be accomplished within the day. Others are those long term goals that sometimes seem like you will not live to see them to fruition, but just keeping at it is sometimes enough.

Here are a few snaps from the week…

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We have been eating a lot of salads with protein lately, nice and refreshing, and really easy… the less cooking, the better !

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Here is the shiny patio, all ready for lunches, schoolwork and play.

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Here are closer shots of the plants. We have a row of everblooming strawberries, a lovely fern, a pot of pansies and some spearmint with pink ground cover. I really like the fern, now we have three and they all have very different leaves and color patterns. I like variety. =)

I am off to enjoy the day, walk, hike, eat a sandwich outside in the sun. =) Have a lovely… !

the view from here…

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First off, have to just say… GO HUSKIES ! What a great game last night, was close pretty much the whole game, with a few instances of either team bouncing ahead. Nothing like seeing two teams play their collective asses off !

At any rate…

This is the view to which I awaken each morning… I do have the blinds closed a bit more and the drapes pulled half-way, but the sun still shines in on my bed… perhaps this is why I am loathe to get up any earlier in the day… don’t want to miss this ! As I blink sleepily back into the land of the living, I smile with joy at the sight of my little beauties already enjoying their first hit of light for the day. Throwing back the covers, I pull on warm socks and immediately head for the window and throw open the drapes, twist the blinds and yank them up with a satisfying SNICK. Sunlight floods the room, and I imagine I can feel the warmth permeating me in an instant. With warm weather comes open windows, which carries dust in spades… Swiffering every day does nothing to keep the dresser-top clean, so I have given up and only do it once a week now. Many more important things to do with my time, like blog and drink coffee… ! =)

So… the agenda for today. The forecast is mild, somewhere in the vicinity of 60. I was thinking that a long morning of lessons will be rewarded with a leisurely stroll up The Big Hill, where we will swing and blow bubbles. Of course, in the 3 hours since I began this post, the rain clouds blew in and there is a steady drizzle with quite a bit of wind to contend with. We shall see… Since my 3 day migraine is now on it’s 5th day, I am not going to take us out for coffee today, but will save that treat for next week while she is on break.

We got a lot accomplished yesterday, and I am feeling good about the week in general this morning. She finished “1984” and did her writing assignments. We began “The Grapes of Wrath”, and already she is 6 chapters in, complete with discussion, notes and an outline began. She loves Steinbeck and really wants to get everything she can out of Literary Analysis class. She is a pleasure to teach and is beginning to connect the dots, so to speak. I am thinking of being out on the patio on the lounge chairs while we read more today. =) I have no plans for dinner yet, but I made a simple meal last night that she gushed over… just a Caesar’s salad with cucumbers, chicken and a side of polenta. I wish I could take credit for the delicious corn with spinach and carrot concoction, but alas, it was frozen from Trader Joe’s. =) Does slaving away over a hot microwave count ?

Ooh… we are taking a short break right now so maintenance can clean out the AC boxes, and are listening to some tunes. “This Must be the Place”, by Talking Heads just came on… just LOVE this song ! Reminds me of the 80’s, John Hughes films and general teen angst… smoking up and hanging out. =) Can you remember being so young, life being so simple ? The most pressing issues on my mind were if my eye shadow matched my shirt, if I was going to pass geometry and if I should skip history or english class !

Speaking of passing maths, I better get back to work with my foxling. I love teaching her almost all of the time, but this whole principal gig is a hard one… Teacher planning day, anyone ?! =)

pot pies, rain and irony…

Nothing earth-shattering to report this morning… other than the rain. It has been snowing for so long that when the rain started 5 days ago, I was surprised to not see white falling from the sky. Everything outside is bathed in that pale, greenish color that only appears with storms. It is beautiful and misty, a romantic kind of morning that makes you nostalgic for other rainy, slow mornings… but I digress. Am thinking I should take the foxling to see NOAH… we may need those ark building skills if this downpour continues. =) She loves walking in the rain, so last evening we grabbed the rain boots and sweaters and headed out to trek up the Big Hill. It was just gorgeous, being with my smiling child in a clean, wet world… we spied several new birds and their nests, as well as lots of moss and new growth on the trees. Methinks spring is almost ready to make an appearance. =)

Time for a bit of randomness…

1.  Stopped at the market yesterday an the way home with my foxling… saw the cutest, little pot pies, all natural and a reasonable amount of calories. That was an easy dinner solution, with a salad. They came out so pretty and rustic, and tasted fantastic to boot ! =)

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2. Can anyone believe Prince George is 8 moths old already ?! His fat cheeks and wispy hair are just killing me… too cute for words ! New life always brings renewed hope, and that little darling certainly makes us smile here in the den !

3. North Korea and South Korea have exchanged live rounds. Sure, the artillery only landed in each others waters, but it is disturbing, nonetheless. Perhaps testing the readiness and response time, perhaps to show strength, the exchange was seen as peaceful to a majority of news sources and officials. It is indeed mild compared to skirmishes in recent years over the poorly-marked western sea boundary. I do not pretend to know how this will play out, but when residents have to be evacuated as a safety precaution, there is obviously some concern.

4.  The word for the day is IRONIC… I saved this post for an hour, just long enough to workout and grab my yogurt. In this short time span, the snow started to fall… I guess I might have to shovel today after all… But you know, it really is beautiful, so maybe I will just make us a cup of decaf and we can watch the flakes fall from a blanket-pile on the cozy couch. Enjoy your day… =)

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a quick one for Punky…

In response to Punky’s inquiry, my foxling snapped some photos of our new nail color obsession… they are cheapies called SINFUL COLORS Professional. Got them at the grocers, on an end cap and we were not expecting much. But the paints go on smoothly, easily and dry quickly. There is a lot of shine after 2 hastily applied coats and the color lasts about a week without serious chips. We have 4 shades thus far and can see getting more in the near future. It is also easy to remove; a real treat after the glitter fiasco last weekend. All in all, I would highly recommend this brand, even though it is not low-chemical.

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