a little narcissism…

Why do YOU blog? Is it the connections, the friendly banter between strangers, or maybe the possibility of that stranger turning into a bona fide friend? Is it to share photos of your immaculate living room with designer entry rug and without a crumb in sight, making you feel superior to those of us with kayaks (still) in their living rooms? Is it to trade recipes, or ask for advice, or get song suggestions, or help with hair-coloring techniques? Perhaps a weird amalgam of all of the above, shaken, not stirred if you please…

I somehow lost 2 years here. No, seriously, I thought I started this blog 2 YEARS later than I did. Sigh. For those of you previously in doubt, I suppose this is proof that I am an idiot, once and for all. But at least I’m a reasonably cute and annoyingly happy idiot, so I can take a modicum of comfort in that. =)

Why am I still here? Is the story I have to tell so important, so unusual that to deprive you all of my antics would be to lessen your own life experience? Snort… hardly! I don’t usually post photos anymore, and I really can’t claim to have posted any recipes in a coon’s age. One does not need recipes for popcorn and the opening of a Kombucha, am I right? What do we have in common that might make you keep coming back? Well, most of us are in possession of a vajayjay, but there ARE men here as well, so that common denominator is not totally relevant.

WHY am I writing about the insignificant, and not really pouring myself out here, in the manner of Punky and Alice the Great? I have SO MUCH TO SAY, really, I don’t ever shut up. I LOVE to talk, ask questions, hear people’s perspectives on both what I have experienced, and all the stuff I have no personal experienced. Blah, blah, that’s Tish, always talking or singing, usually dancing, and never far from a bowl of home-popped heirloom corn, of the dentist-pleasing, near hull-less variety. But I am wondering this week how this translates to the page, or screen as it were. Am I am funny and playful and supportive and exhausting Β in my blog as I am in person? Why AM I blogging? And maybe more importantly, why are YOU here, reading this nonsense?

I would like to think that I am an acquired taste, more of the caviar variety than of Durian fruit… =) Today I finished up another paper in the marching-soldier trail of papers that is my Art History course. I enjoyed immensely this past week, as well focused on Greek Art, specifically Classical thru Hellenistic periods. OF COURSE, I managed to go off on a tangent and turn the forum into an Aristotle vs Plato vs Kant education and morality discussion, with no mention of sculpture any where in sight… GO TISH! I think I truly am a teacher at heart, but one in the Socratic sense, of trading information, leading questions that create rabbit holes in which we all become lost, to emerge days later, slightly stunned from the sunlight we forgot existed…

So, if I am here to teach, or rather instruct, or more specifically, to create dialog, why would I stay in this platform that does not encourage open discourse in real time? A close friend suggested vlog casting, but that’s TOTALLy not my bag, baby. I would have to put on pants… not that I’m not wearing any now, but I have the CHOICE to not wear them, kwim?

I have been pouring over Aggie’s space as of late, as well as the aforementioned Alice, and our friendly doctor in the white coat… and the more I see of what they do, the more I realize I am either not reaching my full potential, or I am yet again only partially committed. I think I am disinfecting myself so well here that all that’s left is the lingering scent of lemon from the Pledge, and a half-cup of tepid coffee. WHERE is Tish, WHO is Tish, and more importantly, WHY isn’t Tish transparent?

Maybe it’s because as this thing, this very real and permanent-feeling thing with Paul progresses, I get to wondering exactly when he is going to glance my way and wonder aloud why in the HELL he’s with me, smarten up, and scram. Maybe it is because letting someone in makes one feel a bit vulnerable, and maybe because if you saw my messy bits, you’d want to run for the hills, too. Maybe because even though I’m fairly grown up, I still want you all to like me. =) =)

SO… here’s the question of the day, and ages, peeps… Is there anything you WILL NOT blog about, for fear of being seen as a little too un-perfect for your audience? Not anything that is just plain rude, or way too personal to share comfortably, but just in general? I am asking to help me in my quest to re-ignite my bloggity fires, and to create an air of truth here. I guess my blog is all about me, but I want this to be more of a shared-space experience. Thoughts? Have a lovely, sweet ones… talk soon!



6 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Holly
    Jun 30, 2016 @ 14:35:59

    I think there are few subjects I won’t write about, but darn if I can remember what they are. I’ve written about depression, mine and my son’s. I’ve written about heartbreak and loneliness and abuse in different stages of my life. I haven’t gone into my financial woes, but that’s mainly from denial on my side than wanting to hide things. I have no sex life at all right now (and have gone way long in these periods before) so nothing exciting there. I’m openly SBNN, liberal, and agnostic to cover those subjects.

    Um..hm…I guess that leaves work? My job found out about my last space and while I don’t think they were looking constantly and, really, it serves them right if they found out more about me than they really ever wanted to know, I have been more cautious about that in my current space. But even then, my job is such I can’t share but so much so I know that as I open up with that more sooner than later, it still won’t be anything that would be professionally or ethically damaging.

    You just need to keep being you, my dear. Deep or not, sometimes or always. ❀


  2. tishmoon
    Jun 30, 2016 @ 16:44:03

    Hiya Punky! =) Thanks so much for the substantial response, I love details and getting to know you all even better. =) You always manage to share what you are feeling while staying true to yourself and your style. You are exactly the type of blogger I aspire to become… =) =)

    You are so right about work and professional damage, I would rather not have to try to make up for what I inadvertently imply about my professors, which is why I REALLY TRY to keep the cover on that particular can of worms…
    Again, thanks for sharing, you are a good friend. =)


  3. Alice
    Jul 04, 2016 @ 17:10:25

    Hmm…interesting questions, all. My response is off the top of my head, and so will necessarily be a bit partial, but here goes:

    I’ll blog about anything, but there are things I won’t blog about YET. I don’t talk about the hot, fresh, still raw-n-burning issues that I haven’t sorted out yet (right now, that list consists primarily of some health issues, finances, and employment). I’m on the path to working through all of those, in my head at least, and when I figure out a story that makes sense — and, more importantly, that moves me forward in my meatspace life — then I probably will write about all of them too. In some fashion, at least.

    I’m assuming(?) I’m the “aforementioned Alice,” the one who “pours myself out there” that you reference. Because, ha! yes, I pretty much do that, don’t I? I don’t always mean to. I not infrequently post a personal narrative only to be immediately aghast at “what have I done?!!?” πŸ˜€ [A certain recent piece about masturbation comes to mind. Eep! *blushes deeply*] But then I pull myself together, pull out my smelling salts as needed, and remember: this going-for-the-jugular thing is at least half of why I blog. I’ve done silence and secrets and privacy til I nearly choked on ’em, and the only people who ever benefited were the abusers.

    I write the stories I need to know in order to be a living person who functions. And I don’t mean that hyperbolically; I mean it quite literally. I started my blog a few weeks after getting out of a locked psych ward 3 years ago (following a series of failed-but-very intentional suicide attempts) and while I was in the middle of an intensive out-patient therapy group/intervention. As I got better, got more coherent, the blog became a way to organize my thoughts for therapy. Many of the early BIG pieces were written specifically for/to my therapists — putting them on the blog was a tracking system, as much as anything else — and I still read many of them aloud to that group. [NOT the masturbation piece! I do have *some* limits. πŸ˜‰ ] I have used blogging very directly to heal my brain and psyche.

    The other major reason I blog? To “see” people. To come to know them…and to be seen and known, in turn. It grounds me, pleases me, and entertains me to do so! Plus, people are cool. Aren’t other people just about the coolest thing the world has to offer??

    People like you, Tish, with your wonderful invitation today. I’m afraid I may have gotten a bit long-winded [whoopsie!!], but you know me: never met a word I didn’t need to put into a sentence.

    Thanks for reading, hon! Thanks for asking and for caring, too. ❀


  4. tishmoon
    Jul 04, 2016 @ 17:29:30

    Best. Response. Ever. =) =) You are indeed THAT Alice… =) =) I kind of look up to you, as I am sued you are aware, so getting your input today was a bit like Mario Andretti complementing your driving skillz. =) =)

    I hear you about the “not yet” thing, when issues are a too raw to share freely. I am astounded that you began writing as a way to keep coherence in your thoughts for therapy, and can say with utter honesty that you move me to laughter and/or tears at least twice a week. =)

    I share the same sentiment about being people, and getting some connection from this digital playground… weird, huh? =)

    And please, get as verbose as you like, I will never tire of reading your thoughts! Thanks so much for chiming in… food for thought, as per norm. Have a lovely, Alice!


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