cats… or lack thereof…

I have no cat, not even a beautiful, growing boy of a bengal, spotted to perfection and utterly perfect for this girl and her tiny house in the Big Woods. Alas, I am grieving for said cat’s presence, although he was never here, but so desired already. Plans of his perch and bed and treats and Paul-made cat tree melt before my eyes, in the fashion of rain sliding down panes of blurry window glass in a storm.

I am not being overdramatic here, not if you know me. I have a penchant for feeling slightly melancholic and nostalgic and reminiscent, even for things that I have not yet experienced, if they are things I have held onto long enough, if you get my drift. I am ok, content even this evening, except for the nagging knee pain from my appointment today, and the dull throbbing headache I get after being injected by my talkative Ortho guy. I guess that the dreary day coupled with the lack of fuzzy cat to drown myself in has me a bit out of sorts, but what is really going on here is that I do not want to adult. Not today, or tomorrow, just not right now, please. I would prefer to just chase the ice cream man down the block in my skates, Sony Walkman banging against my neon-clad hip, shouting “WAIT FOR ME” at the top of my lungs, words fighting around Fruit Stripe gum to escape my Nestle Crunch Limited Edition Lip Gloss-covered lips. I do not feel like making those hard decisions, such as pay rent to take 4 night Bermuda cruise. Insurance or new phone? Groceries or brilliant new Doc’s? I know, I know… first world problems. And I AM being responsible… I just had to whine for a moment…

So I am doing what any self-respecting 40something cliche of a divorcee would do at a time like this, namely watching a Janis Joplin biopic while surfing Pinterest for childhood memories to sigh over and drinking a Heineken. I know, I know… probably not helping.

Of course, this is also a break for me, no school books strewn all over me and the floor, and no test to prep for. One class, few responsibilities for the next 8 weeks. All in all, more a time for contemplation and renewal than sadness, but I still can’t help feeling a bit perplexed like Holly-go-Lightly searching the tub and fridge for phone… sans Cat, of course. =)

Were this a Tuesday thru Friday night, I would be curled into the shoulder and arm of Paul, who would be smelling faintly of dirt, grease, and Axe body cleanser, with pale undertones of smoke and the gummy candy he “sneaks” during the work day. As if I didn’t know, with his watermelon and strawberry breath. =) This ridiculous yet perfectly intoxicating blend of his day has the ability to melt away every bit of angst in me and before I know it, I am a snuggly kitten again, smiling and purring away. Where hiking used to be my connection to peace, he has become my comfort object. As sweet as this is, tinkling bells in my head remind me that I need to find some other way to sooth the frayed edges, something I have access to regardless of day of week or knee pain. Swedish fish, you may suggest? Ah… but you forget I am off sugar. Sobs quietly.

So I push the button and Netflix disappears from the screen, leaving a smoky black reflection of myself. I close the Pinterest tab, down the last of the cold beer, and say goodnight, peeps. Off to find some quietly happy-making music on the iPad, I leave you with one last thought…

Summer time, time, time, child… and the livin’ is easy… nothin’s gonna harm you so hush, baby, baby, baby… yup. What Janis said… =)


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Amy Reese
    Jun 14, 2016 @ 12:01:57

    You deserve a kitty! What’s stopping you? They do help with those frayed edges and will even do Pinterest with you. They’re little loves. I highly recommend getting a furry ball of joy to sit in your lap while you drink that Heineken. Sounds purrfect, does it not? Beautiful writing, Tishmoon.


  2. tishmoon
    Jun 14, 2016 @ 15:21:58

    Ah… no no no, you are NOT supposed to be encouraging me to get a kitty to love on… ex hubby would throw a FIT were he to find out he was working to support a pet as well as a disgraceful back-to-college ex-wife, lmao! =) =)

    That being said, I could really use a snuggle buddy, winter gets cold in these here parts! =) =) Suggestion duly noted. =)

    And thanks SO MUCH for the props on my writing… I do this because my photography skillz are abhorrent, lol! =)


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