lightness of being…

Perspective; that’s the name of the game, sweet peeps. Yesterday began with me literally falling out of bed. Cut myself shaving in the shower, stubbed toe on sink… spilled lactose into my agar mixture, got only a 93 % on my maths test and was late for every class. Got home late, spilled SpagBol all over my freshly-changed-into shirt and shorts, and sucked up the iPad charging cord with the vacuum. Burned his steak, put dressing in my coffee and milk on his salad…

All in all, an utter disaster from beginning to end… or at least until the end of the miserably-long, without-Paul weekend, which happened to be at 8pm last night, when he thankfully, happily, blissfully walked thru the front door. All of a sudden, the stress of not getting a paycheck for 6 weeks, my daughter’s struggle with her depression meds, and the nightmarish day faded to the background, where they belong. No, I am not saying that a smile from him is more important than taking care of my child or financial obligations, but his presence has a way of focusing me back to my normal state and of putting things exactly in their place once again… which is to say their rightful place, but not in the position of warring for the ubiquitous honor of shattering my sanity, you know ? =)

Did you know that from a neurobiological standpoint, we know if we can fall in love with someone within 5 minutes of our first conversation with them ? That doesn’t mean we will choose to, only that we actually have the ability to subconsciously weed thru the brambles in mere minutes. I realize that with the way my brain works with my particular gifts and unique perspectives, this has been utterly true and noticeable my whole life. I have dated some seriously perfect-on-paper men, men with whom I was a perfect, smart match, and with whom a solid, happy and fulfilling life could have been built… except from the moment I began to speak to them, I knew it would never happen. As in, never, not if the human race depended on it kind of feeling. I SHOULD have been attracted to them, but something was missing…

By the same token, I tend to fall in like quickly. Luckily for me, this also passes rather quickly as while I am in possession of a starry-eyed romantic heart, my mind is a pragmatic, prosaic whirring machine, inputting data and extrapolating scenarios faster than one can usually get thru a first date. To say men find me infuriating is an understatement. =)

Then there was Paul… do you realize the intimacy implied with you in sharing his name (as well as mine own) with you all ? Nina and Paul, Karen and Paul, KD and Paul, Paul and I, me and him, us two bunnies, together… Thankfully midnight last marked the end of his on call week, and it was with much exhaustion and sleepy-eyed joy that we were up at that late hour last night, talking and back rubs, laughter and the ever-present bedtime ritual of chasing me around the bed for one more tickle and one more kiss, followed by the fruit tile match up game. I awoke in the wee hours, wondering what it was that interrupted my slumber, and realized it was lightness of being. Unbearable, one might say… my age showing there, lol ! But seriously, pure calmness of spirit is what made me wake and thank the universe for the return to my usual state. Sighing happily, I held onto him like an otter entwined amongst her kelp…

I was up at 5 to do maths and prep for a paper, and he stumbled out of the bedroom around 7:30, wearing my fluffy white robe, his curls sticking straight from his sleepy brow, for all the world looking like Wonderland’s White Rabbit… bursting with laughter, I went to him, and as he enveloped me in his plush-covered arms, I again realized that while nothing is permanent on a molecular level, there is no where I would rather be than in my chilly morning kitchen with this strong, stoic roughneck of a man, and that if I knew a little less, I just might believe in forever, really and for true…

And I just HAD to put aside my books for a moment, and rejoice here with you. I know this is a season of change, a worrisome time for many of us, with stress and strife, and no small amount of bad juju flying around. I know this is small, perhaps meaningless, but I can promise you with utter and perfect certainty that it is all good. Every little thing’s gonna be alright, peeps… storms are sometimes destructive, but they have a way of washing away the ick and allowing us to see our world with fresh eyes. Know I love you all, wish for you all the happiness that your hearts can possibly hold today, and a deep and abiding contentment to wash your particular troubles away, no matter how insurmountable or insignificant they may seem. Namaste… =)

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5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Sarah
    Sep 16, 2015 @ 10:16:40

    The beginning of your post reminds me of the children’s book Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No good, Very bad Day. LOL Glad it ended sweetly, though. 🙂

    Reply

    • Agatha Ann
      Sep 16, 2015 @ 23:53:57

      CB! I couldn’t find you until now! I wanted to tell you that I’ve changed… morphed if you will. Please come visit me, hopefully it won’t take you long to figure out who I used to be 😉

      Reply

  2. tishmoon
    Sep 16, 2015 @ 17:28:18

    It was riotous… would not have believed it had I not been living it… =)

    Thanks as always for the kindness, support and comments, CB… =) Glad you are still around too ! =) =)

    Reply

  3. Agatha Ann
    Sep 16, 2015 @ 23:55:39

    Sounds like a crazy day. I really wish I had more to say than that, or that I could reply with a more thoughful reply like what you leave fo me. I just have enough energy to read blogs tonight 🙂 Thanks for being such a positive light!

    Reply

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