off to the races…

Friday, another week gone by… wtf ? Where is the time flying to ? There must be some alternate reality in which all this time gets accrued and there is nothing but sunny days as far as the eye can see… am trying to figure out a way to get there, if I manage it, I’ll bring you all along !

Paul last this morning, late, late, LATE ! But we have been good, mostly, so this won’t have ramifications at work, as he has been stockpiling over time just for these instances. =) The Corvette is on the trailer, parked in his brother’s drive. All ready to hook up to his pickup truck after work, when they are heading to the speedway in New York for a weekend of insanity. Photos will be posted in the coming week…

He said he was sorry that I could not come, but I am actually relieved I have to work. This is his time, a family time, many years in the coming. His relationship with his step-father was less than stellar, and rebuilding his car has been a bonding experience fro the brothers. He has gotten home late all week, covered in axle grease and brake fluid, exhausted but so happy to be rebuilding the car he took to junior prom all those years ago…

My plans for the weekend consist solely of working, sleeping and eating. Back to the normal world on Monday morning when I will wait in line with around a thousand other students at the college bookstore… perhaps I will even manage to get back home with the books I need…

Last night when he called, Paul told me he would grab a sandwich and eat dinner in the garage while working on the exhaust manifold. I only had to fend for myself, so dinner was a lean cuisine eaten at the sink while dancing… washed the spoon and my water bottle and was done with prep, eating and clean up in under 10 minutes. These were the times I supposedly missed, the not cooking, the smell of lemon cleaner instead of food wafting thru the house. But weirdly enough, rather than relishing in the free time, it felt disconcerting to NOT be puttering, chopping veggies and grilling meat. Am I becoming domesticated after all ? Is Tish, wild and free, settling into a routine without even realizing it ? Is it possible for me to be ME, all me, authentically me, and still be what Paul needs from me right now ? I believe the answer is yes…

He asks for nothing, happy with the smallest of gestures and meals, I think this is why it gives me so much pleasure to cook for him, and fold his laundry. He confessed that he never had his socks or undies folded before… 20  years of marriage and not even that small courtesy ? I confess to you that taking his shirts and jeans from the dryer, shaking them out and hanging them up fills me with no small amount of happiness at the normalcy of it all. Matching his socks is not a chore, but a happy-making task, one that can be crossed off my TO DO list with  satisfying snick of the pen when everything is in its place in closet and dresser drawers.

Just before we fall asleep last night, in his usual fashion he was holding me, arms wrapped around my waist and chest, legs pressed into mine. He was stroking my hair with one hand and murmuring something that I didn’t quite catch. Asking his to repeat himself, I turned to face him partially and as he kissed me, he said he wants more. He would love to wake up next to me every day, not just half the week. I told him I would love that too… and fell asleep wondering how one dusts deer antlers, and if Pledge would discolor the bone…

And on that note, I am off to slumber for a few hours, dream of the days to come. Who knows where I will be during those future days, but I am thinking as long as Paul isn’t far, and as long as my GPA is still high, I will be the happiest girl in the world… have a lovely, peeps. =)


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