37 minutes…

“just because you got yourself in some shit, doesn’t mean I have to come deal with it”… Yelawolf

Yes, I did just quote a song made infamous by SOA… don’t judge. Don’t even think about it…

So, 37 minutes… I had been on the floor an entire 37 minutes last night, at which point I realized a quiet night was utterly out of the question. A bed change, a fall, a dressing change, vitals, calls for water and the ever popular red juice. Lights blinking on and off in the manner of a vintage pinball machine, complete with yours truly bouncing from one side of the ward to the other… I had chugged my coffee before even entering the building and was already questioning my sanity. Only the fact that I was responsible for my favorite patient (client ? customer?) kept me from physically drafting my 2 weeks notice letter. Well, that and fear of The Professor’s reaction. Speaking of, as a newly minted college grad who has gained lawful employment once again, ne is in dire need of a new moniker,,, post for another day.

37 minutes can be an eternity just the blink of an eye. Paul and I… come on, you knew I was heading in this direction =) AHEM ! Paul and I have the ability to kiss away hours when he comes home. I am speaking literally… in the kitchen after lunch containers are emptied and soaking, I find myself in his arms most nights, dancing close as he leads my in small circles, kissing me until he growls against my mouth and we finally break away, him heading to the patio for a cancer stick or the bathroom for a hot shower. Looking at the clock, I am always stunned that 30, 50, 97 minutes have passed. I could kiss away my whole life with this man ! =) On several occasions a day off has allowed us to sleep a little late and have pans for the day… plans that always need adjusting as our 0830 alarm and morning greetings morph into “holy shit how can it be 1:30 pm (or 2 or once even 3:15) already ?! Yes, we do our fare share of outside activities, but truly it is time spent simply kissing him that is foremost in my meds. Time does indeed fly when you’re having fun…

I slept far less than I should have yesterday as a quiet ping from my phone interrupted my fitful daytime slumber. Thinking it was from Paul, I was on autopilot enough to reach over and scroll thru the menu. What popped up was not words from him though, but… dramatic drum roll… an email from you know who, he who shall not be named. Yup. Bear… his spidey-sense is still attuned to me apparently, for every fkn time I am feeling even slightly vulnerable does he appear, some Nega-Fairy Godmother… this time however, his soliloquy did not inspire the warm fuzzier. His comparing us to Tristan and Iseult, Guinevere and Lancelot, Pyramus and Thisbe… all lovers whopper star-crossed yet inevitably cross paths again together brought mild irritation to the front of my mind; not the intended emotion, I am certain. “Every day that goes by without seeing you is a drain on my soul… my sweet beautiful temptress, my vixen, my tigress…”?! WTF ?! SRSLY ?! Again I am reminded of my professor’s words to me, long months ago, that Bear idolized me, created a version of me impossible not to love, but also for me to live up to for the long haul, too bright and hot to hold. Seems Bear didn’t get the memo…

But Paul ? Ah… Paul… He holds no false ideals of me; he sees me, spots and chubby thighs, dark roots and all and loves me not in spite of myself, but FOR myself. Being with Bear was exciting but exhausting, all the time. With Paul, it is so soft and soothing, warm and enveloping, flowing, ephemeral… contentment washes over me every morning at his sleepy “morning, little girl” and does not stop until my tousled head hits the pillow at night. It is light, ease, beauty, possibility… in short, the stuff dreams are made of. I have no time or desire for a villain in my story, not this time.

GAH ! I am officially rambling, and should go grab some food before crawling between the sheets for a few hours of sleep. Thanks for listening to my ramblings, peeps… have a lovely ! =)

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