a little embarrassed…

Hi everybody, it is I; your unintelligible, confused and still drugged to the gills, bloggy friend. It was brought to my attention thru a PM that my previous post about time marching on may have been misconstrued by the masses, as far as The Professor is concerned. Before I jump into bed tonight, I wanted to clear the air…

I have no intention to make him seem like a jackass; he was a good husband, as far as he could have been, for as long as he was able. He and I both came to the metaphoric alter with baggage, huge burdens we were trying to let go. His bags were full of demons from childhood and a raging self-esteem issue, mine were crammed full of the “shit, can I do this again” variety. But we really tried, we were two confused kids with stars in our eyes, thinking if we just held onto one another, maybe things would be all right in the end…

We know that is not how it played out. Yes, he walked away first, but only because he had somewhere to go. Don’t judge him harshly, please, or me for that matter. Words were said, mistakes were made, hearts broken and dreams demolished. I applaud him for picking us out of the rubble and setting us on some sort of path to redemption. He is a good man, and even though I feel responsible for the doomed marriage, after all, I was older and knew better; and even though it was one of my most epic mistakes, and even though it is debated STILL that I ruined his life, I do not regret the whole thing, just what it did the three of us. There were happy times, joyful and bright, it was not a wasteland of pain and regret, and I apologize if that has ever been your impression.

Sometimes, things break. Shit happens, life goes on, and if you are lucky enough to be a happy person to begin with, and you can heal, then you stand there at the end of the day and realize that even though you made one colossal, royal cluster fuck of your life, when the alarm goes off at 5am, and you turn on iTunes, and hear “New Day” by ATB, and you’re dancing around before you know it, and feel so ridiculously light, and happy, and fucking free… well, then you know it’s all good, and maybe there is something to be said for making a crazy, sad and beautiful mistake. Let’s just call him my best mistake, and call it a day. =)

 

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. mollytopia
    Oct 03, 2014 @ 16:26:59

    That’s a great description of what happens in some marriages. No harm, no foul – sometimes you just have to move away from the bad times and remember the happy ones. I didn’t read the other post, but now I will. Either way, it’s your blog and you can write whatever you wish! No need to feel embarrassed : )

    Reply

  2. tishmoon
    Oct 03, 2014 @ 16:55:51

    Hiya Molly… =)

    Thanks for the support, and usually, I do not restrain myself in the slightest… but the thought of you all think bad shit about The Professor, when all he did was be himself… well, that just didn’t sit right, you know ? =) Sometimes, people are looking for someone to blame, and they cannot understand that things just die sometimes. I am glad you know where I am coming from… =)

    Have a great weekend !

    Reply

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