ATB, Dayquil and the never-ending thesis…

Good morning, everyone ! =) Didn’t mean to disappear for so long, was just walking in the spiderwebs and things got a bit sticky there for a bit. For today, this one perfectly normal, sunny and warm morning, everything might be fine. The possibility is enough to boost my spirits and keep a soft smile playing on my lips as I wade thru the beautiful day, surrounded by books, laptop and iPad, and highlighters, strewn everywhere. ATB’s Future Memories is my school music of choice today, just happy enough to engage my brain, but not too crazy. “Summervibes with 9pm”, hot tea, fingers tapping out the beat on the keyboard…

I have been fighting the reality for a few days now, but in all honesty, I am sick, perhaps even with a capital S. I have been taking dayquil or nightquil around the clock for 3 days with no obvious improvement. Luckily, the cough that has settled in my chest does not seem to be getting worse, and am just trying to make it until Thursday when I can see the DR if necessary. Cold care tea, Vicks and tissues surround me, along with this despicable paper I am writing, or rather, ATTEMPTING to write. I have a lot of work done, but cannot form a cohesive whole, and hope that the lousy grade I get on this version will be offset by the final draft, which I still have several weeks to work on. I am trying to remember why I give a shit at this point, but everything in my brain is fuzzy and it does not seem totally important to me today that nursing school and the necessary 4.0 is looming in my future, closer with each word I type, backspace, and correct. Give me 2 weeks, though, and I will be back in the fight.

Now, for the important stuff… my foxling turned 14 on Monday ! =) It is official, I am now older than dirt. =) She had a wonderful weekend celebration with friends and family and is happily determining on what she will spend her gift money. She is leaning toward a straightening iron for her unbelievably curly hair. Sigh, what is it in the female DNA that makes us burn with the desire to have hair of a different texture than we were born with ?! I cannot tell you how often I permed, colored and otherwise tortured my own hair for years, as I am sure most of you did as well. Ah well, at least she did not ask for concert tickets, or to get her eyebrows pierced. =)

In other news, saving the best for last… The Soldier is doing well !!!!! =) =) Happy-happy, dancing in the living room instead of working kind of joy, she yells with a grin plastered on her face ! Well, I would be dancing if all the twirling about didn’t make me barf… =) He moved to a new area, and internet service is better now. He is flying a LOT, and there are still days at a stretch that we do not connect, but more often than not I now hear from him. The deployment is beginning to wear on him, and the photos he is sending show the worry lines between his brows, a sunburnt nose and cheeks, chestnut-coloured eyes puffy from lack of good sleep. But the grin is the same; sleepy and lopsided, dimples trying to stay hidden. Sweaty brow, cover akimbo and dusty, silver chain barely showing round his tan neck…

Our letters are lighthearted… full of questions and small talk, we avoid the obvious and are suspended in this limbo. We are weightless, floating in this liquid reality that carries us on it’s current, but we know not where. Memories are our reality now, and the happy thoughts of what may come to pass. Tentatively, he asks so little of me; promises of visits, kisses, letters “when I have the chance.” As if I would not have the chance ! My alarm is set for 0450 every morning, so I can spend an hour composing something to make a smile light up that face I yearn so desperately to see again. “If I’m home, let’s do November”, he excitedly tells me, “and then again in December, after the holiday, January would be better, I suppose… ooh, and you have spring break as well, and I want you to come for the summer, too”. This is not what I imagined the next few years of my life would look like; weekends rushing to and from airports, vacations spent with our kids separately and then the last few days meeting somewhere in the middle. In my drugged-induced haze, I admit that while this all sounds like way too much insanity, the thought of spending my days without The Soldier in them in some manner brings tears to my eyes. I walked away from him once already, doing so again I fear would break me. Some day, when I am boss of the world, I am going to delve into Special Relativity and play with space-time until I get it just right, and am able to scoot across the universe to align us side by side, Texas touching Connecticut, somewhere near Tahiti, and a thousand years ago, where there is nothing but possibility and warm water to play in… and yes, you all will be invited. =) Have a lovely…




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