memories, confessions and the best sorta-date ever…

So, this thing with this boy… we have been for coffee and the like in the wee morning hours due to his crazy work schedule this summer, and we have been planning on something more substantial for months. Life gets in the way constantly and either he or I am unavailable at opposite times, so we have been unable to spend any real time together. He wants to cook dinner, watch movies, go out for drinks, spend some time hiking, boating… the list goes on. Because he is a contractor here in New England, he works pretty much every light hour from May-September… Mike jokingly tells me I am dating a vampire ! I guess his powers allow him to work during the day, but not have one moment of fun…

On Wednesday the boy called to tell me that due to rain he was home at the early hour of 8pm, and if I wouldn’t mind driving, he would take some Coq au Vin out of the freezer and sauté some leeks, maybe some pistachio financiers for dessert ?! Hmm… I when I have no time, I am lucky to pull salad or yogurt out of my ass… at any rate, my foxling was home and I begged off; alas, it was not meant to be. He called me back a few minutes later with a new suggestion…

9:45 pm, call him back and we could “watch the thunder and lightning together”…

I changed into warm sweats and grabbed the phone and my last Kombucha, headed out to the patio to snuggle down for the light show. He answered on the first ring, and together, we counted the beats between the bursts of light and rumbling noise. The rain was coming down in sheets at his house, and barely sprinkling here for a while, then moved closer until the storm seemed to be directly overhead and I could hardly hear him over the deluge.

We discussed family, friends, homes, food, holidays, children, movies and anything else that happened to fall out of our mouths. It was peaceful, quiet and an easy time. After the rain moved on, the fireflies lit up the trees like it was christmas, and when I exclaimed with joy, he laughed heartily; saying I am the happiest girl he has ever met. When I disagreed and told him what a grouch I can be, he simply said “not to me”…

I like easy, I think it is very underrated. Nothing big happening here, just two people spending some time, getting to know each other. All I want is someone to be around, someone who makes me grin like an idiot just for the sheer pleasure of doing so, someone who is totally at ease with who they are and where they are going. Someone who sees the possibilities every day and is working toward their idea of bliss. I love happy people and luckily have found several with whom I get to share my time. How lucky I am ! =)

Mike says he can tell I am getting my muchness back, and that he hears the smile in my voice every time we speak… I still have not seen him; chatting online and the occasional phone call are all I can commit to. I will admit, it is getting hard to avoid him with some of my new friends being related to him and all, but I refuse to set off that particular atom bomb. It has been 19 years and 2 weeks since he first kissed me and less than a month since the last time he told me he loves me. He proposed to me 5 times and we shared a lifetime together; a VW Beetle and a bitty cat, 2 years with a time-share in St. Maarten… we survived a bout of malaria, the death of his father and the suicide of a mutual friend… we suffered thru a terrible miscarriage and came together and split up more times than I care to remember. This has complicated my marriage and life long enough. So we chat, and he helped me heal, and we ignore all the rest.

A lifetime ago, I had the dubious honor of breaking up one marriage. I promised myself I would never do that again… Yes, I am admitting a serious error in judgement here and yes, I am aware of the cosmic mind-fuck that is my present situation. Karma, fate, comeuppance, call it what you will. Ironic is apparently my middle name.

I need to go sleep now, I have been on edge about the move and school lately so have not been sleeping much, and I am beginning to fray around the edges for it. Since it seems that the only men I meet who are interesting and interested in me are younger, I need all the help I can get to keep the “crinkles” at bay… if I do not start to get more rest, I am gonna have to invest in some fierce eye cream, or at least buy a great push-up bra so no one pays any attention to how puffy my eyes are ! =)

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