i’m not your bitch…

Holy cow, am I in a foul mood today ! This is one of those days when it seems reasonable to grab a 1/5th of Jim Beam and drive off a cliff with my best buddy… or lay hands on enough Valium to slip and slide ahead to winter. I have not been this angry since I can remember, and the fact that I have not been alone or on my schedule for over a week is compounding matters, as expected.

Plans change, people move on, be flexible, be happy, live your own life… ever feel like you are stuck in someone else’s reality, and what happens to you is less of your own making than the decisions of everyone surrounding you ?! I have my own plans, to go the BSN route, which is going to take me YEARS, due to all the science prerequisites, as well as co-requisites, more foreign language, stats and genetics… the list goes on. Doing these classes on a part time basis , which is all I can handle with raising the foxling and her heavy school load ensures I have years to go before actually starting the program. No complaints, this is what every adult transfer student goes thru. While I am deeply committed to her home education, it is beginning to be apparent to me that she will NEED an accredited school from which to transfer credits to a new state and into public school there. I am told that transferring from home to school is trying enough with credits and such, but to do it mid way thru high school is fucking ridiculous. Add to the fact that our state here is homeschool friendly and the other state is most definitely not, and you have a beautiful mess of worms to sift thru. And let me tell you, I hate worms.

I am so fucking MAD right now, I do not know where to begin… she and I have worked so damned hard all these years, we have sacrificed so much… she is an incredible student and I promised her that for high school, only her imagination is the limit… now there are more parts to fit into the equation, most of which I am not privy to. Interesting stuff, him trying to live his own, completely separate life, but with my foxling between us, there is never any real separation. I don’t know what he hates more, the fact that he still has to tell me what he is doing, or the trying to fit his desires around the family he couldn’t wait to leave and the family he ran to. No weirdness here, right ? Fucking perfect…

So, I think my plan right now is just to forget the BSN and do an ADN so I have less classes to take. If I work 30 hours a week, I should be able to swing the private, accredited, online school that is based in the state where they are moving, so all her credits earned in high school will transfer no matter when she goes. This will also improve her chances of getting into a combined 4+4 program, since this is a very highly regarded program, with many Ivy admissions in recent years. Win-win situation, right ?! I am not about to have her chances of success be derailed by the fucking stupid decisions her parents have made since the day we met. Not on my watch… what she ultimately does with her life is on her, but I have an obligation to get her as far with her education as possible, while she is under my roof.

Now I am just rambling… I better go. I was trying to find a quiet spot to meditate, but the upstairs is thumping with the bass pushing out of the Bose and the sounds of her cleaning her room, and the double downstairs is fully occupied as well. I think tomorrow morning I will get up way early and go to the workout room for a hard run… that is, if they deign to unlock the doors by 5 am… again, just LOVE being in a community that has 24 hour workout room which is locked regularly. Been here 2 years and still have not figured that one out.

Obviously, this post is simply bitch, bitch, bitch… disregard and return next week when I have slept, meditated, gotten caught up on my classes and had a chance to talk to The Professor. Things may still be the same, but you can bet this mood will have passed. Have a lovely, or at least a decent…


4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. NotAPunkRocker
    Jun 21, 2014 @ 11:56:57

    Bitch away on here. If you can’t bring it here, then what’s the use of having a blog?

    I am sorry you are going through this and just finding this out. What a cluster…

    Enjoy your drink and get to where you can try to think. Maybe another option will present itself…or maybe not. I’ll keep my fingers crossed that something comes up to allow her and YOU to get the educations you both deserve. ((hugs))


  2. tishmoon
    Jun 21, 2014 @ 12:04:42

    Aw… thanks, Punky ! =) =)

    Sometimes you just need a pal to say “hey, that sucks”… you know ? =) =)

    I would head out for the adult beverages, but since I am being judged right now, this is not the perfect time. Also, I have learned years ago that drinking while I am insanely pissed off is simply a recipe for disaster, arrest or bodily harm. Sometimes all three… !!!!!!!!! =) =)


  3. El Guapo
    Jun 21, 2014 @ 13:53:40

    Yeah, that sounds like a bad deal all around. Bitch away, and once it’s passed, you’ll be able to sort our how to get through it.


  4. tishmoon
    Jun 21, 2014 @ 14:48:35

    Hey there, Guap, nice to see you back ! =) =)

    Thanks for understanding, sometimes you have to just let it out… =)

    Hope you have a great weekend with TMWGITW… might have gotten the spelling wrong on that one… ! =)


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