what I owe…

I owe my daughter the best possible life we can give her. Notice I did not say a “perfect” life, only the best possible that we can manage. We are succeeding here, every day she has everything she needs, and a good portion of what she wants as well. She is safe, loved, healthy and protected. She is fed whole foods, organic and natural as often as possible. She has had all her vaccinations, and preventative care to keep her at her best. By every definition of the word, we are great parents. =) So it surprises me when we are judged and looked down upon, for our personal relationship and the 2 homes my foxling spends time in. My darling girl has started calling The New Girl’s kids her “brother and sister”, and says that she is lucky because she has them, but not all the time, and not in her space. =) Once again, my pragmatic daughter sees the situation for what it is, an opportunity for new happiness. I guess our extended families didn’t get the memo… Oh, and I owe her $5 that I pilfered from her wallet to get an ice cream last week, since I didn’t want to go in the opposite direction to the bank. =)

I owe The Professor honesty, clarity in our dealings with one another, and responsibility to our collective and separate accounts. He does not expect, nor do I give him, a daily spreadsheet of what I spend or where. But keeping him abreast of our situation allows him to help more as needed, or perhaps deposit a little less if he has unexpected expenses. We each have our own house, expenses and bills, but we are fluid, and everyone’s needs are being met thus far. We openly communicate and that makes us all aware of what is around the corner, and can plan ahead for the big things, at least.

I owe my parents the respect their age commands, and the support that I can offer to them, when I can do so. We may not always, or even often agree, but my mother and I agree to disagree, and that is good enough for me. She shows us love and support every week, and even when I get exasperated or short with her, she understands. We have a tumultuous past, but have worked hard to make a better future, being in each other’s lives. I rarely speak to my father, but when he  answers the phone, he always sounds genuinely happy to hear from me. We may not be the close, typical family, but I know that no matter what, they are there for me. Which is why I will be there for them as well. As long s we are walking from it, the past should stay where it is.

I owe The Professor’s family nothing. Not one, goddamned, single thing. There is one person, however, that I will bend over backward to accommodate. His father. This man is a happy, calm and content man. He is always laughing, working, eating or enjoying time with friends. He is extremely well traveled, but is as comfortable on the couch with a blanket coloring with my daughter as he is with friends at a nice restaurant. He embodies everything I want in a grandparent for my foxling, the only thing that sucks is the distance between them… CT to CA… ocean to ocean, couldn’t get much more distant. I am committed to helping my foxling see him as much as possible, and will budget plane tickets into my allowance to make sure she can visit him as often as The Professor can get time off. I love his father, how he loves my daughter, and how she has something real, apart from me, because of him. I wish we were closer to him… sigh.

I owe just over $4 thousand on my credit cards. This feels like a lot for a girl who does not have a job, but could be worse… at least my poor old car is paid off. The charges come mostly from furniture purchases, dental bills and the car deductible. I had it down to under $3K before that debacle, but am not worried because I have 0% interest until Dec, 2015. Barring any more insane months, I will have it paid off in 7 months, at which time my last dental surgery will create a huge new balance. After talking to The Professor recently, I am thinking of trying to get into a lease by next spring, something a little better in the mileage department, and a little tighter with the handling. Mine has just under 119,000 miles on her, and while that is not a huge number, it is old enough to feel every bump and shake, and wiggles a bit more than I would like, and the speakers are shot, and it makes small noises and… =) Yes, it has served me well, but I hope to upgrade while there is still hope of a trade-in.

I owe Mike a slap upside the head for introducing me to the Octopus, the HappyDrunk and the Child. It IS flattering, however, so I won’t put that flaming bag of dog poo on his porch. Not yet, at any rate. =)

I owe myself options. Having just one option is the same as having none at all. Having two is the barest smidge better, but not much. One need LOTS of options, to diversify. =) Reaching your full potential takes a lot of practice, lots of choices… that is how you get to AWESOME. =) I also owe myself balance. Between dieting and enjoying treats. Between exercise and allowing myself days off. Between working at home and being at home. Between being a mother and teacher and confidant to my foxling. Between filling my weekends with play and the much needed quiet time; meditating or drinking coffee or just enjoying a bubble bath. The ebb and flow of life can come at you pretty hard and fast sometimes, and being able to focus and give yourself what you need to flourish and bloom into your best self  is something we all need to prioritize. =)


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. NotAPunkRocker
    Jun 10, 2014 @ 22:45:51

    I owe the universe for awesome friends with such great perspectives 🙂


  2. tishmoon
    Jun 11, 2014 @ 09:31:05

    Aw… the universe should treat you to ice cream, a movie and new pair of Louboutins to go with your fabulous new dress ! =) =) Love to you, Punky ! =)


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