that hammer gets us every time…

I was texting this morning with The Professor for a few minutes. My foxling is a huge fan of the “Divergent” series, and is understandably excited about watching the movie. She and I had made plans that instead of going to see it in the theater, we are going to buy it when it comes out on video, and make a day of it. A snack, do our nails and watch the flick… just a relaxing day for us two bunnies. =)

The Professor was thinking about taking her to the movie today, but when I told him our plans, he immediately said they would do something else. He is really good that way, never stepping on my toes. So… I got up this morning feeling happy and acquiescent and texted him that he could take her, it would be a special treat. He very respectfully told me that they are just going to rent the new Hunger Games movie and that he wants us to keep our plan, because he “understands what it feels like to have your thunder stolen”… He is kind and treating me with respect and it put a smile on my face to realize that we are getting there, slowly but surely; getting to that place where we can just be happy. =)

So I bumbled around the house for a while, eating and paying bills, making the shopping list. Music blaring, singing along, I did my chores and headed upstairs to grab some jeans. Then it hit me, and I laughed out loud, laughed long and hard, until I actually had tears in my eyes. Once again, he hits the nail on the head,without even knowing it. =) His thunder comment apparently got me thinking…

I can finally put words to this weirdness… who I feel like, in our little family… Loki! Like I am there, but don’t really belong. The one who does not fit in, and stands at the edge of the group, smiling but not really part of it all. And he is Thor; swooping down with his hammer, dazzling everyone with his wit and fun ideas. Of course, you have Jane; pretty, young and stuck to his side… pleasant enough but don’t provoke her. The friends and family, the laughter and good times… I am sometimes invited, can sometimes observe, but always from a distance, and always knowing that I am merely tolerated, for his sake. Like the golden child that no one can bear to say no to, he gets his way amidst indulgent smiles by those who love him so much… so I am still here.

DO NOT for one moment read anything into my words here, I am highly amused and so should you be. =) No sadness, just a realization that happens to mirror one of my fav movies. I mean, seriously, don’t you just LOVE the Bifrost ?! Blows my mind every time I watch it. =)

Ahh… this language we have at our disposal is so imperfect. There is such a huge gap between seeing words, comprehending their literal meaning and actually KNOWING what someone is trying to convey… we focus on everything around us, then try to explain it with words. The reality and ideas of what we see and what we know can’t ever be perfectly aligned. We are incapable of looking at just one thing, we are constantly looking thru the relationship between what we see and ourselves. =) So, what is said and seen is really only presented to us as we are. So, in effect, there is no reality, it is all just perspective. My perspective here is not one of sadness, simply of amusement that I somehow created this for myself, and I am bemused at my child-like attempt. My Buddhist philosophy is serving me well here. 3 months ago I would have been typing this drunk and crying. =) I have discovered within me an unlimited capacity for growth and have to admit to being downright interested and somewhat excited at the prospect of what may be coming to greet me around the corner ! =)

Photo prompt of the day is “evening”… which is why I am posting now. =) I went upstairs to my foxling’s room, where the evening sun is the brightest. I wanted to try out my new nail polish, which by the way is a TOTALLY different blue-glitter shade than the one from last week. =) I sat in the window seat with her hula-girl pillow on my lap and a face towel to protect from spills. Suffice it to say that Tish + glitter = one hot mess. Happily, I can report that no pillow cases were harmed in the making of today’s post. Hula girl lives to sing another day. So… can you see the deep turquoise in the bottle vs the pale glittery stickiness on my nails ?! FALSE ADVERTISING ! I called the 1-800 number and was told it looks darker under a black light. Erm, ?! I am off to apply another 67 coats and see if I can get some real color on my hands. Luckily the open windows allow me to breathe thru this long, chemical-filled evening. I am SO going out for steamed veggies later… if I am conscious. See you tomorrow… =)

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. NotAPunkRocker
    Mar 15, 2014 @ 20:25:47

    Hooray for happy places. And Thor, of course.

    What brand of polish? Do you have any white polish you can use as a base next time?


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