something good…

This is the prompt for today… I have so many thoughts swirling in my head right now ! There are so many good things in my life right now, where to begin ? My foxling, who brings a smile to my face every morning when I wake her, and she giggles from inside her blanket nest. Or the way my curtains are a wee bit small for the width of my bedroom window, so every time I wake up I am greeted with light and glimpses of the tree branches. The food we eat, simple yet nourishing and delicious; all manner of fruit, veggie and frozen-treat goodness. My overall health, and that of my darling girl. The stuffed bookshelves that beckon to us during slow moments thru our days. Fairy lights that I turn on every morning, and even pink glitter nail polish. The beachy candles, the woodsy joss sticks, the lemon cleanser I scour the kitchen with. The ps3 on which we watch her math dvd’s in high-def, clear as a bell from across the room. The Bose thru which we play music at least 6 hours a day. All her amazing schoolbooks, bought without tax credits in our state. Our collection of sticky-notes, highlighters and pens with which to mark up said school books and her portfolio. The health insurance that covers all my inoculations so I can take a few college classes this fall. The old car that refuses to acknowledge her age and is still getting me wherever I need to go. The fact that it is March, and the snow is melting, and I hear all manner of birds in the trees, shouting their joy…

Good things also appear on this platform… all the friends that I have made since beginning this silly, little blog. You make me smile, laugh and cry. You amaze me with your strength, dazzle me with your wit and share a glimpse of who you are, and why. I regularly speak to authors, musicians, scholars, parents, a scientist and people who are just beginning to follow their dreams, and are taking the first tenuous steps on their path. That you choose to come here and “play” brings a smile to my face with each comment and private message. I never thought I would “meet” so many cool peeps due to my little ramblings. =)

Another good thing in my life right now is in me. It IS me, a sense of who I was, who I still am, and who I am developing into, and what I want to bring with me into this new life I am building completely by myself. The realization that I have passed from the “I CAN DO IT” phase into “I AM DOING IT”… my self-worth has increased 10-fold and I am stronger every day. I laugh more, do more, try more new things. Part of this is due to the fact that I now have a car at my disposal 24 hours a day, but a large part of it is because he decided to leave. I am focusing on ME for the first time in 14 years, and it feels like cool aloe gel slathered on a raging sunburn… slick, soothing and so damned good it almost brings tears to your eyes. I have plenty of trepidation, doubt and scary moments, sure… but the undeniable fact is that I am getting up every day, putting my needs on the same level as that of my darling girl, and reaching tendrils out toward who and what I wish to become… my friend Mike says I sound more like the girl he used to know, and says he can’t wait to see me in person because he never stopped believing in me… this is a friend I have known for 20 years this May. We have seen each other thru messy divorces, the birth of our children, the death of his mom, all kinds of celebrations and anguish. That he has never doubted the woman I am, and the happiness and love for life I have inside me makes me know in my heart that at least one person on this earth sees me and will not stop, no matter what. =)

So what photo could hope to capture all that I am feeling, living, loving right now? None, to be precise. It is time to embrace the imperfection and just post something that is good, no matter how uneventful it may seem. Because that is what I am discovering… it is not the events that make our one, great life. Not the marrying, having a baby or winning the lottery kind of days. It is the “unevents” that stay with you for the long haul. Those mornings of coffee and caramel rolls, or the bed pig afternoons… the little moments of seeming unimportance, that will make you smile when all else has faded, and you remember for just one second, how fracking fantastic that day was, so long ago…

 

So there was this sky here today, this amazing sky… =) My foxling on a rock under a tree; sunshine is happy-making… and doncha just love my bitty new cauldron ?! =)