my own Bat Signal…

I have a confession to make… The Professor reads this blog. He never comments, but it has been a way to open dialog between us these past few months. He has asked me repeatedly if I want him to stop, but I always tell him no. It is a way of maintaining a small connection, of communicating around his crazy school schedule and our own often inadequate words. In short, I feel safe knowing he is there, lurking in the shadows, in case I need him. He is my axe-behind-the-glass-panel, just for emergencies. =)

In essence, this blog has become my “Bat-Phone”, a direct line to him. He is schooling full time, works all hours of the day and night, lives a couple of towns away and goes to clinicals twice a week. I can never catch him where his cell gets service, and texting iffy, as well. But I know without a doubt, that the day I post and I am upset, I mean really stressed, I will get a phone call from him as soon as he gets the chance. Not an email, no text… but real words, a concerned tone, and offers of help. He never fails to reach out, and it grounds me, just knowing that if I am in dire need, he is only a phone call away. It is like the black bat shape, floating above Gotham City, and I know that help is on the way, just as soon as he sees it.

The funny thing is, when I am in crisis-mode, he steps up with ease and slides into the protector role. Funny because of our relationship, and how weird our whole life is right now. We are both plugging away, toward our respective desired lives, and that journey is separating us more and more… yet there is some connection still.  That mythical red thread has been woven, and now wraps around my ankle, glowing in the night like a beacon in stormy weather. It twists and turns its way back to him, and has become tangled amongst our decisions, but it still connects us. It is not a burden to feel the thread, but it is a soft caress to remind me that though our love has changed, it was once there. In some small way, will always be, and that is a good thing, something we have earned, a gift.

Other lessons learned this week…

1. If I don’t drink my shake, I don’t lose weight, no matter how much I work out. That simple.

2. Getting a shorter haircut that involves blowdrying and styling to keep from looking homeless does not save time. Nothing is quicker than a quick brush followed by a ponytail. Thinking of going shorter…

3. No one can write like Henry. Thoreau, of course… of whom else would I be speaking ?! “Still grows the vivacious lilac a generation after the door and lintel and the sill are gone, unfolding its sweet -scented flowers each sprig, to be plucked by the musing traveller; planted and tended once by children’s hands, in front yard plots…”

Reading that passage this morning brought a smile to my face.We had a young lilac tree in Petaluma, when my foxing was just a toddling bunch of smiles and fat elbows. I used to hide under the large lilac bush at my Grammy’s house when I was small; toes peeking out from the scented flowers, dripping popsicle in hand. Lilacs have followed me since I can remember, always their scent transporting me back to those safe, warm May days.

Sending happy Spring-time thoughts your way…

 

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. El Guapo
    Feb 27, 2014 @ 09:59:18

    Sometimes just knowing someone is around makes all the difference in the world.

    Reply

    • tishmoon
      Feb 27, 2014 @ 14:58:18

      Yep,so true. =) Even when i don’t necessarily want him to call, I am secretly thrilled that he does. Or not so secretly, now. =) Have a great day, Guap !

      Reply

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