grace…

** In case you’re wondering…** these next few posts were written at all hours of the day and night. I will post one a day until I get my routine back at the end of the week.

It is 63 degrees outside right now, and my foxling and I just came back from a walk around our little neighborhood. The air is so moody and full of wet, it was like walking thru rolling fog.  The beauty in the evening is so close, I can touch it.

.image image

The Professor will be coming by on Friday to move out some furniture for his new place. I have a few items being delivered on Saturday, so no one will have to live in a half-furnished house for long. While I am excited to have picked out things for myself and The Historian, I am a little saddened by the thought of him and his new partner moving our… I mean, THEIR beautiful bed into a U-Haul. We have shared in a kind fashion, and it is so time to move on already, but boy, the idea of the things we picked out together not belonging to me any longer is weird. The emotional response is WEARYING; despite my best efforts, there are still times of pain and futile wishing. To add insult to injury, my undisciplined brain keeps creating images to torture myself with. Ones of him and I in summers past, flopping down on the couch after swimming, him in shorts and me in panties and a t-shirt. These become superimposed with ones of them, on their couch, in their home. Her panty-clad ass about 25 pounds lighter than mine, and 12 years younger. It is official, I am the starter wife. Fucking seriously ?!

So I am sitting on the porch, feeling the chill air blow across my red cheeks, and it soothes me like only wet breezes can. I know life is wonderful, and I have many new adventure upon which to embark. I know our relationship will be better for this change, and eagerly look forward to the blossoming friendship and new happiness. But for now, for this moment, I need to just feel the loss. Of my husband, my dreams, my future as I once saw it. Mourning what I have lost will allow me fully embrace what comes next, and build anew. One supposes.

GRACE             by Kate Havnevik

I’m on my knees, only memories, are left for me to hold.

Don’t know how but I’ll get by, slowly pull myself together.

There’s no escape so keep me safe,this feels so unreal…

Nothing comes easily, fill this empty space, nothing is like it seems, turn my grief to grace…

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

to irrigate the desert...

watering the future, one mind at a time

Zipf's Law

A blog about the implications of the statistical properties of language

Sincerely Reine

A Lifestyle & Beauty Blog

Behind the White Coat

Beats a real human heart...

No Blog Intended

But the pun is

The Bumble Files

The truth is in here

Bluefish Way

The life of Ralph, Natascha and our cats

coffee and a blank page

a feminist writes, rants, remembers

rarasaur

frightfully wondrous things happen here.

Power Plant Men

True Power Plant Stories

Mad Tea Party in My Head

Clean Cup! Move Down!

The Virtual Statesman

The Independent & Engaging Political Commentator

CombatBabe

somewhat witty, often combative.

A Tramp in the Woods

A nature diary from the Forest of Dean.

Mollytopia

Fabulously Refined/Wildy Inappropriate

talinorfali

Don't ever change yourself to impress someone, cause they should be impressed that you don't change to please others -- When you are going through something hard and wonder where God is, always remember that the teacher is always quiet during a test --- Unknown

Dream, Play, Write!

Today, make a commitment to your writing.

Storyshucker

A blog full of humorous and poignant observations.

%d bloggers like this: