a rush of blood to the head…

A glancing blow, a slight turn of the head, a blurring of vision before it becomes so clear, so vividly lucid that it must have been there all along. That “Ah-ha, Oh Shit, Yeah… NOW I see it!” clarity that comes on in a moment, a blinding flash and you realize that there is no reason not to embrace it, and you do not want to shy away from the opportunity anyway ! Grace, pure and simple, flows into your being; you feel about to burst with the possibility and hope that holds you in its grip. Fear ? A thing of the past. Confusion ? Not necessary when you embrace life and all of the twists and turns in the road. Expectation ? Why on earth bind someone you love and respect to an ideal that you yourself do not believe in ?!

Grace, clarity, an epiphany, call it what you will… washing over me, thru me, bubbling up in my center hotly, a delicious glow that consumed me. This is the stuff of Buddhist dreams, that all-encompassing light, love and acceptance that is so elusive in our western lifestyle. I will admit to fighting change recently, digging my heels in at every turn. I have had a terrible time lately with sleeping, meditating and generally being present in the moment. My plans were dashed against the rocks of reality, and I madly scrambled to pick up the shreds, cutting myself constantly and inflicting even more pain. Last night I watched the waves carry them away, all the old pieces, broken and in ruin. I watched them, felt the twinge and released them to the current, and was filled with an amazing peace. All the things my heart desired for so long are happening, just not in any way I could have imagined.

I feel like ME again, myself, my inner strength returning, the possibilities endless, the support and love of my best friend still constant. I want to embrace my family in love; accepting them for exactly who they are, and their loved ones as well. The pain is gone, and in its wake is love, light and hope. Laughter, joy and deep affection are coursing thru my veins and I want to shout from the rooftops with the bliss of it all ! I want to open my home, heart and life to the new members of our family, and allow them to see me and my child for the imperfect yet amazing people we are. I am grateful to my husband for daring to see a cliff and jump… for modeling love and possibility to our foxling… for the bravery it took to look me in the eyes and be open about his fears, hopes and dreams.

I hope that whatever life throws your way, you can see amazing opportunities and embrace what the universe is trying to give you, if only you will let it. Namaste ! =)

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