seriously… ?

Funny how a shift in perspective or reality can bring that old, unsettled feeling back so quickly. Even after taking 4 melatonin and 10 mg of Valium, I only managed to sleep for 4 hours last night. Grr… ! So as I sit here typing, my hands are shaky and that stellar gag reflex I have is made worse by the yogurt I am attempting to gag down. I had envisioned a quiet, yet happy holiday; a close friend, a meal planned and executed by The Professor and his side kick. The reality will be much less pleasant, folks. Why I did not stop at the package store last night remains a mystery… I am not much of a drinker, but I could make an exception today, that’s for damned sure ! =) So, sans the numbing effect of alcoholic beverages in large quantities, I must figure out a way to snooze a bit, before I end up losing my shit and ruining the whole day. Oh, nothing so dramatic is going to happen, right, Tish ? Surely you exaggerate ?! I cannot tell you the beast I become when exhausted and grumpy, to boot. You think The Hulk had issues ? Please, I could teach that pansy a thing or two. Think of the recent Avenger movie, when The Hulk is thrashing Loki on the floor, and mutters “Puny God”… now you are getting the idea. I do not think a hot shower and the Charlie Brown Christmas Album are going to be enough to induce a state of blissful slumber today, and I am all out of tricks up my sleeve. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. From a distance, thank you very much. =)

On a lighter note, none of this can diminish my interminably aggravating happy spirit, and I enjoyed reading for several hours this morning. What is it in me that refuses to lay down and cry for long, that makes me smile, laugh when there is no reason to, and feel a bubble of contentedness and joy welling inside of me like an expensive champagne ?! Spirit, balls, moxy, my muchness, call it what you will. It is the thing I love most about myself, but is a trait than can be exhausting in and of itself. Imagine fighting with your spouse, and instead of giving it to him with both guns, you simply cry, let the anger go and smile at him, hug him when you should really throw something at his smug visage…  On my last trip to Japan, a seemingly ancient monk told me that this is what sets me apart from most people I meet, this largeness of heart and ability to look past wrongdoing and see the light inside of others. He also told me it can be seen as a burden as much as a gift, depending on what perspective I choose to embrace. That my loving-kindness will allow me to grow beyond myself, and I should embrace this often painful process. Having spent too many years squashing myself into this box of doom I called a marriage, I should be happy that I still have the ability to be me in this pure way. But sometimes, all I want to do is rant and be the righteous bitch from hell ! I know it is wrong, but I’ll bet it is fantastically satisfying at the time. =)

Moving on… let’s talk about what held my interest for so long as the dawn crept in this morning. I came upon a beautiful, geometric mathematical object called an AMPLITUHEDRON ! It’s volume calculates the probabilities of all the outcomes when dealing with particle interactions. Equations that used to be too immense to use, even with computers, can now be simplified and physicists can use this new efficiency to work a problem out on paper ! Unified theory research will never be the same, as the amplituhedron could eventually be used to disprove locality and unitarity, which are two of the cornerstones of quantum theory. The ramifications are immense, to say the least. To understand particle interactions and be able to use this knowledge to disprove theories currently in use would change the face quantum mechanics as it relates to quantum gravity, and the space-time ideas we use to describe physics today. Imagine, being able to understand the internal structures of black holes ! The gist of it all is that if you sketch an amplituhedron showing particle interaction, that sketch with the single line equation would represent, or take the place of, about 500 pages of algebra using Feynman diagrams, which were sheer genius at the time he created them ! This is taking streamlining to a whole new level, don’t you just LOVE physics ??!!

Have to go make coffee now, breathe deeply and honor myself for a few moments before the rush of the day sets in. Happy Thanksgiving to you all, I am sending loving thoughts your way… =)


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Mark Coakley
    Nov 28, 2013 @ 14:30:48

    Ranting is life’s second-most satisfying activity.


  2. tishmoon
    Nov 28, 2013 @ 21:04:12

    Yes sir, indeed… snicker and HUGE grin ! =)


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